The Secret Struggle: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One

Don Ryan lost three family members to suicide beginning with his father in 1989, when Ryan was a college senior, his cousin Vinny in 2013, and his youngest brother, Brendan, in 2022. In The Secret Struggle, Ryan pairs his personal experience of loss with the professional insights he’s gained across three decades of work in clinical treatment settings and on violence reduction initiatives. The result is a deeply felt guide for those who are left to survive the aftermath of their loved one’s suicide.

Ryan takes the reader through his own emotional journey of guilt, shame, self-doubt, confusion, anger, sadness, and finally, acceptance, while normalizing the grieving process and challenging societal stigmas toward mental health support and suicide, especially as those stigmas pertain to men, a demographic that comprises 80 percent of all completed suicides. He covers common coping mechanisms used by survivors, as well as niche topics like holidays and anniversaries, identifying PTSD in suicide survivors, and the myriad ways you can honor and remember your loved one beyond their final moments. Most of all, through personal stories and dedicated research, Ryan reminds the reader that healing is not only possible, but probable, and that they are not alone.